My 9th Life

Moms are Mean

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 13:12:57 GMT

Yesterday was my friend Talia's birthday and she planned to go out to Cabana's on the waterfront in Georgetown. It would've been super fun except that it's POURING outside. I did get to wear my new Burberry rain coat though, so that was a plus (and all the gay boys drooled haha). Oddly enough, as I was about to cross K St. I saw Mike Bridges walk by. I was encased in the aforementioned rain coat, so he didn't see me, and I didn't say hi. I know he's a bouncer at Tony & Joe's but it was weird to see him. Anyway, I got there and my friend Patrick met me so that we could hang out a bit before my restaurant friends showed up.

It was a bit weird when they did, since half of them are still like, "Uh who are you again?" But I think this night helped a lot in that regard. Anyway, at some point David Winkler showed up and we somehow started talking smack to each other which escalated into us shooting a couple margaritas (bad idea - really, really bad idea) and ended in us agreeing that after the opening night at his theater company, we will have a Jamison drinking contest. What did I get myself into? My coworker Bryan was nice enough to drive me home.

The reason moms are mean: Before this night happened, I was running around frantically trying to figure out what to wear. At first I wanted to wear my black shorts since my legs are looking pretty good this week, but my mom started criticizing immediately.

First outfit: "It looks like you're going to bed."
Second outfit: "No that looks bad too."

Then I pull out the shirt that she bought me while I was away that didn't fit when I tried it out (barely didn't fit, I should say). But it was a super cute shirt and since I knew I would be losing the weight I gained in Germany come hell or high water, I held on to it.

"Oh Kathryn, you're going to break the zipper trying to get that on. It doesn't fit you. I should've given it away."

MOM! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!

Argh. I have already lost at least half the weight I gained, because my belt is up a notch. But here comes mama to tell me that I'm too fat to fit in this shirt. I had been feeling a little icky yesterday anyway, because of the usual Thursday night shenanigans and I didn't need my mother reminding me that I've looked a little icky ever since I got home. At the risk of my self esteem, I tried the shirt on anyway, and it zipped just fine. It's still maybe a little tight, but I didn't have to struggle with the zipper at all, and let me tell you, my boobs looked incredible in it. So screw you mom! Then I almost wore it out with a pair of black boots (vetoed because I was walking to Georgetown from Foggy Bottom) and my dad goes,

"Why are you trying to look like a whore?"

*falls over* I can't win with them...

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 12:59:48 GMT

I don't know what you guys will be doing this summer, but I will be at Schott's main plant in Mainz with Business Unit "Advanced Materials," Business Segment "Advanced Optical Materials," Department "Marketing!" I GOT MY INTERNSHIP!

All I can hope for at this point is that: a) This helps me get a real job and b) That I have a really fantastic time doing what I've always thought I wanted to do.

Boy drama is silly. I do not know what's going on with Chris and frankly, I don't really care right now. I'll be in Germany for the summer!

Bite that shit

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 02:08:21 GMT

This is an entry of things I have made me laugh this week.

1. On Monday morning, there was a report on the news about three students who were "rescued" from a tunnel/cave/something in Arizona. The newscaster said: "They left a trail of leaves for the rescuers to follow." Then in the interview with one of the students, the girl said: "We took all the necessary safety precautions. We just got lost." My reaction? So, you left a trail of leaves for people to find you...but you got lost? Anyway, I laughed pretty hard, because that's just stupid.
2. While babysitting Madeline, who is now obsessed with a band called Crosby, Stills, and Nash, she said (in reference to one of the band members), "I think David cares more about his instruments than his hair." An excellent observation...coming from a 3 year old.
3. Elyse told me a sex story last night which involved the sentence: "Bite that shit!" and it was hilarious.
4. In my German class this morning, the really weird kid said, "Als ich zehn Jahre alt war, hatte ich cooties."

Also, Mal from Firefly is now on Desperate Housewives. Score.

Boo

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 21:00:12 GMT

Well this weekend was decidedly depressing. I went to Indiana early on Friday, which meant sacrificing my usual one night of fun at Clyde's. I went, but briefly and couldn't drink, which meant that I was surrounded by drunk people bumping into me constantly. Needless to say, I left early. Anywho, yes Indiana. I went with my parents to see my grandmother (who is suffering from Alzheimers for those who don't know). She has definitely gone downhill. It sucks, because she gets tired so easily and she really doesn't remember day-to-day stuff any more, let alone specific names. She still recognizes everyone, but it's clear that she's slipping. I just hate watching it.

It was nice to see Leslie, and I went with her and her boyfriend to a haunted house thing, which was pretty fun I suppose. I don't know. There just really isn't very much to report about this weekend that was good.

In other news, I'm applying like all hell for new jobs, but nothing seems to be working. All of my friends have been yelling at me about Mike, but that's another story entirely. I just want a job and an apartment. Is that so much to ask?

I know I promised, but...

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 15:35:05 GMT

I don't know what to think about what happened last night. I went over to the house in Tenleytown, because I wanted to hang out with everyone before I leave for Indiana this weekend. I didn't really think I was running a risk by sleeping over, because I thought the worst that would happen would be that maybe I would wake up when Mike got home and then need to fall back asleep. Incidentally, I did not wake up (I think the flu shot I got yesterday has been kicking my ass - I've been so exhausted) until Mike poked my foot...to wake me up and invite me back to his room. I knew it was a terrible idea, but I couldn't help feeling like there were some things that I would like to say to him. So I promised myself no sex and went back to his room with him.

I was so nervous and tense that I was shaking a little. I told him up front that I wasn't going to sleep with him, because I couldn't be something in between a girlfriend and a friend. He made all kinds of comments about this, first going down a shame spiral about how he wasn't good enough for me and how if we did date I would just go out to some other bar and meet another dude who was better than him and then break up with him or cheat on him. I told him that was bullshit, because I don't view a relationship that way and that I stay committed to the person I'm with until I'm not happy anymore. He then tried the tack that I was "so much smarter than [him]" and that I was going to get some amazing job in another city and leave him, because he was going no where. I called bullshit again, because I haven't applied for anything outside of DC since like May, and I've fully decided that I want to stay here - at least until I get my MBA.

This whole time we're having this conversation, he was also telling me that he missed me and that he cares about me, that he really likes me, etc etc. At one point he said he loved me. My only reaction was shock. I mean, first of all, if that were true, then why wouldn't he suck it up and ask me to be his girlfriend? And if it weren't true then why bother telling me that except to try and manipulate me back into bed with him. I didn't respond in kind to that, so after that he went back to just repeating about a million times that he really likes me and likes having me around.

Then he tried something new. He brought up the fact that I'd brought Jan over to the house one time, except he maintained that I'd brought another guy over on a different occasion. He said this other guy had dark hair and that I'd sat up on the couch to give Mike a dirty look and then gone back to sleep with this dude. Can I point out that this never happened? I told him so. I told him Jan was the only guy who ever ended up with me at the house and that I'd apologized to John about it, because it's not my fucking house and I don't disrespect people that way. I felt like he was just trying to make me feel bad about something I'd never done, like it justified his lack of commitment to me. I just repeated that he could ask John or Ashley how many guys I'd ever brought over to the house and that they would tell him it happened once.

When that didn't work, he started saying that I could have the relationship if I wanted it. At this point, I was close to tears. Why would he say that? I can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want it back. I asked him how. His response was that the biggest problem in our relationship was that I'd gone to sleep in his bed four times without asking him first. I, again, was in shock. I mean, that was his excuse for a reason for not wanting me to be his girlfriend? I brought up the fact that he'd never told me that it bothered him until two weeks ago, and that four times over nine months hardly constitutes a violation of privacy. If anything, I quite deliberately went to sleep on a couch most of the time in order to give him his space. This conversation did not end well, and he turned his back to me. I started crying and wanted to go back out to the couch and sleep out there, but I couldn't find my shirt (which he'd removed, of course). As I was trying to find it in the dark, he rolled back over and told me to go to sleep and worry about this stuff in the morning. I did that, only because it was impossible to find my shirt.

So I didn't sleep with him, but god I don't know what to think. At first I was thinking that this whole thing was all about how he was terrified of being cheated on again, because of his ex-fiance. That he was just being insecure or whatever. But then he got so manipulative towards the end of this discussion. I mean, trying to make up stuff about how I'd brought two dudes back to that house? And telling me bullshit like it was my fault that we weren't together because I didn't respect his space? I don't know. I know it's stupid, but I still want him to make the effort for me (although he'd have to work his freakin' ass off now). I still would take him back if he did the right stuff. I just don't think it will be an issue, because his track record is so bad.

What the hell. Why didn't he just bring another chick home from the bar last night and leave me alone?

More happiness

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 21:59:26 GMT

Woo I did not get hit by my hangover until about 6pm last night. What a disaster lol. However, I spent an enjoyable afternoon hanging out with my friend Mitch at the Columbia Heights Day Festival. There was live music and pretty entertaining drunk people. I avoided alcohol, for many many reasons haha. Then I went over to Elyse's house to help her get things ready for her birthday party! The party was completely ridiculous. Elyse was trashed (I drank a little, but again with the night I had on Friday, I didn't get drunk) and very amusing.

Chuck is a friend of Elyse's from when she lived in Germany, who we'd hung out with a couple of times before this particular birthday party. He's very cute, pretty tall, and intelligent to boot. The last time we saw him, we went to his fraternity's wine and jazz party and he and I had a pretty good conversation. I think I may have written about it. Anyway, on to last night. When he arrived, we said hello but I believe I was being distracted by some other friend. However, at some point he came and found me and we started chatting...which turned into us hanging out for the rest of the night until he left. I think he may have been flirting. Among the things we talked about: my job search, his last year of school, video/computer games, sports, and many other things. At one point he ascertained that I was single (a positive sign, I hope) and later challenged me to a leg wrestling match. Elyse's house was pretty much soaked in beer though, so he said we should go out some time and get drinks and then leg wrestle. Lol. It was a cleverly done way to see if I wanted to hang out with him again, which I do. =)

When he left, he gave me a hug. I didn't make out with him or any of that stuff, because I'm actually interested in this boy. I generally don't like to move too fast with guys, although the wild nights can be fun. Anyway, I'm going to hold out for this boy and hope for the best.

In other news, I'm applying for many many jobs around DC. Hopefully something will work out this time. I may have some networking help with two of the positions, so I have hope. I feel like now that things seem to be going well in my life, how can any company turn me down? Excellent.

my ridiculous life

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 17:53:43 GMT

Well I found out why Mike was being all loud and angry on Friday morning. Ashley told me last night that he had brought a girl home with him and she left when she found out that Elyse and I were there in his room. I say, fuck you, sir! I'm glad I fucking cockblocked him. I mean, it would have happened regardless of me, because Elyse had already gone back there well before I did, but I'm glad I had a part in it. I mean, I know it's his house and what not, but he knows (everyone in that house knows) that I'm always there on Thursday nights because I can't ever drive home after Clyde's and I would never try to. So part of me feels like he did it to flaunt me. I don't even care anymore if that's the case.

I was pretty upset about it when Ashley told me, although I held it together in front of her and the other roommates. I don't know, it was just so fucking stupid and it made me feel really angry. I mean, after he told me all that shit about how he thought I was the greatest girl ever, and it was all complete bullshit that he said because he wanted to get his rocks off. I told him that I was sick and tired of being lied to, that I didn't need to hear that shit from any guy. I just felt so dirty, like I'd been used, and I allowed it to happen for so long, because I'm stupid and naive. I hate it when guys make me feel that way. Which means I'm fucking done with that dude.

So I had plans last night to meet up with my friend Katie, who was in town from Baltimore, and we went out to Mie N Yu in Georgetown where a friend of hers was doing his last shift bartending before he quit. I told her that I was in a dangerous mood and that my goal was to get so drunk that I wouldn't wake up when Mike got home. Mission successful! But let me fill you in on the details. So first off, some guy in the street called me Brooke Shields (he must've been wasted lol. I don't look anything like that woman!), and the manager of the bar started buying me shots because he thought I was cute. Then a friend of Case's (the bartender) showed up and started hitting on me hardcore. His name was John and he gave me a backrub lol. I gave him a kiss and my phone number. Then our friends Bruce and Mike Green showed up and I hit on both of them for funsies. No more Mikes, I promise. Bruce though...he wanted me to come home with him lol.

Obviously I didn't do that. I was a freakin mess when I got back to the house though. I don't remember getting out of the cab, but I know I threw up in the grass by their place. And then I passed out on the couch. When I woke up this morning (at 11:30 all by myself, and I never woke up whenever Mike came in, thank god) I had some serious pain in my hip, which means I probably fell and hit something pretty hard. It's still sore now. I also had all kinds of text messages from people. Apparently I got a lot of drunk texting in last night. One was from that John guy that said: F the three day rule! I had a lot of fun meeting you last night. Oh my. Oh my. I don't know what to do about that. He was on the short side and not particularly my type, but it might be fun to go on a date or something.

Anyway, even though I know it was a terrible way to react to finding out just what kind of asshole Mike is, I'm kind of glad I went on a bender last night. I got several really good confidence boosts that reminded me that I can usually get what I want with guys and I don't need to wait around to be treated like shit by some fucking jerk who can't get his shit together. I do this quite often when I get fucked over by some dude, but it feels kind of good. Like I'm purging the bad memories. I know it's not healthy but whatever, that's the way I deal with it.

So that's the last you will ever hear about Mike. I have defriended him on Myspace, deleted him off my buddy list, and deleted him out of my phone. That kid can go have sex with stupid bar whores and quit screwing with my head, because I'm done. YAY! I feel happy right now =)

[EDIT] I just talked to my friend Katie and apparently I also made out with my friends Mike and Bruce. In front of each other. By the cab. I don't remember that. Goddamn I was a shitshow! However, it makes me happy. =D

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 15:21:45 GMT

Oh goodness. Well, let's start with the play-by-play. Or the summary...whatever. Last night was ridiculous. I met up with Leah McKay and we spent an enjoyable couple of hours listening to her friend's band play at a pretty chill bar in Clarendon. I then migrated over to Tenleytown where I met up with the usual suspects and we wandered off to Clyde's. Ashley had a friend, "Canadian Dave," in town visiting and he was pretty cool. He is another McGill graduate and lives in Montreal. We discussed the state of Africa, travel in general, and love of foreign languages. At Clyde's, Spencer was finally back downstairs! It made me so happy. Danny poured me a free drink (in a big girl glass) which was so ridiculously strong that I only had one more drink after that, and I was trashed. Oh oh! Elyse got to come for the first time too! So anyway, when we got back, Elyse went to sleep in John's room and Dave started rubbing my back...yes he wanted to hook up. I was not particularly interested in doing this, so I managed to distract him somehow and run off to climb into bed with Elyse. Which was an excellent idea. John has the best comforter in the world. The only downside was the proximity of Mike's bed, and eventually Mike when he got home, since he was being really loud and woke me up.

However, after having the 15 millionth person tell me that he has been a complete jerk and a manipulative asshole, I'm starting to believe that I just don't care about him anymore. Frankly, it isn't worth the trouble. I've been depressed all week about it, and I'm tired of feeling so horrible about everything. I mean, I had one friend ask me what I would do if he came to me today and said he wanted to be my boyfriend and all that. I couldn't answer. Because I don't know what I would do. Which is stupid, but not worrying about it is the first little step I'm taking towards forgetting about it completely. So yay for that.

In other news, I still need a job. Boo.

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 05:40:59 GMT

So did anyone else notice that Wash from Firefly is the boss at E! in Knocked Up? I just noticed that today and I was sad that he didn't get to play with dinosaurs or be a space pirate. Even though his scenes in that movie are hilarious. That is all.

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 16:26:52 GMT

Ok so I know I'm going to sound stupid writing this entry now, because I was very angry when I wrote the last one and it was in the heat of the moment. I feel like I should defend Mike a little. I know he's an idiot who is very closed off, but he actually had good intentions about talking to me. I discussed this at length with Elyse. I felt like he was really being up front with me for once. He doesn't have a lot of time, and I knew that, and he did say he wanted a relationship the last time, but he was being unclear. So I took it as - now I'm your girlfriend - when that wasn't the way he took it. He admitted that it was his fault that things ended up the way they did.

As for the sleeping together thing...we were both pretty drunk, him more so than me. That doesn't excuse him, but it sort of explains a little. Plus, historically when we have these conversations I do hop right back into bed with him, so it was probably a bit of a shock for him that I stood up for myself this time. Which is not to say that it's ok that he was as angry about it as he was, but I feel like that was the alcohol again. Because I saw him yesterday afternoon and he was more social than usual, not awkward at all around me, and didn't seem angry. So, yes, I'm still stupidly hung up on him and I know it's a bad idea, but I've promised myself no more physical involvement unless he wants to commit. And hell, knowing him, I'll probably have moved on by that point. But I do feel the need to defend him a little. So there.

The plot thickens...

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:26:42 GMT

So last night I was woken up by Mike (finally) who basically said the following: I'm an asshole I'm a huge asshole you can't believe what a huge asshole I am. I want to apologize because I felt like you ran out of the house on Sunday when I came out of my room and I don't want it to be like that. I was angry that morning when I found you asleep in my bed, because my computer was on the floor and there was a frying pan next to you. I was angry when you woke me up, even though it upset me that you ran out. Blah blah blah.

I told him - in between all this stuff - that I had left the house on Sunday because I had two exams the following day, not in any way related to him. I also said that I went to sleep in his bed because I needed to talk to him and he'd been avoiding me. I told him that Vinnie put that stupid frying pan there because he thought I was drunker than I was. I told him he wasn't really an asshole. I told him that I didn't care about any of this any more (can you spot the lie?)

He certainly did. He called me on the not caring thing and told me he just doesn't have time for a relationship or whatever. Then he repeated that he was an asshole, that I'm the best girl ever and he hurt me. He then proceeded to list all of the things he likes about me, that I play RPGs, that I love sci/fi movies, that he can talk to me, yadda yadda. I said...it's just stuff I like. I'm used to guys pulling this kind of shit with me, that it really didn't matter. I accepted his stupid apology. He said I deserved better (I'll give him that, it's true). It's frustrating though that I don't want better. I want him to want to make time for me. I don't need much.

Anyway, we then hung out for a little bit, talking and hanging around outside. He complained that I'd given him a boner. I believe I said, "Sucks for you." thinking that it wasn't my problem or my fault. I was dressed respectably. We hung out some more. Then I wanted to go to the bathroom and go to bed. I went to the one in his room, because John was gone whereas in the other room Ashley and Charlie were sleeping. When I came out, Mike asked me if I wanted to sleep with him. "Just cuddling" as he put it. I told him I thought that would be a bad idea and went out to the couch. He came back out of his room and tried again to get me back into his room. I said, "I can't" until he left. He came out a third time, didn't mention sleeping together again, but rather abruptly told me that to shut off the fan and close the window that was by my couch. I thought maybe he was angry at me, but then decided I was being paranoid and tried to go to sleep.

I mean I was just trying to protect myself emotionally. Even if he hadn't tried to have sex with me (which I think it's pretty clear that he would have), cuddling was too much for me to handle. I still like the guy - I know it's stupid - and I thought I'd be angrier when he had this conversation with me, but I wasn't. Which just shows me how attached I still am. If I can't be his girlfriend, then I have to be his friend and not something in between. Still, I couldn't sleep and ended up leaving to come home early.

Only to discover that he defriended me on facebook. What the hell. Is he trying to prove to me that he's such a fucking jerk? And here I am with my heart still in knots. Goddamnit.

Before I study for that French exam thing...

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 01:55:02 GMT

THE GIANTS WON TODAY! And I only had to take crap from one stupid prick of a Redskins fan, and that was only until the second half when the Giants starting looking really good and the Redskins fell apart. Yay for that. I hope this doesn't effect my ASL grade tomorrow (the prof is a huge Skins fan lol).

In other news, I think I'm done - at least for now - with moping over Mike. I'm just sick of the bullshit. I had an awkward encounter while I was very drunk on Thursday night (note to self: being ignored and also being extremely inebriated at the same time turns me into an emotional wreck). And tonight after the game, that I watched with friends from that house, I went back for celebratory hookah smoking and watched him thoroughly ignore every person in the room. I just think it's stupid and immature and I don't deal with stupid, immature people. Also, I feel like every time he's come begging to take me back he says one thing and then acts the complete opposite. I'm not ruling out that he'll do it again, but this time I think things will be different. So that's that.

Also I did a lot of going out this weekend and got attention from some cute boys, so that was fun and makes me feel more like I should get someone I deserve. We'll see. Elyse's birthday party is in two weeks and I'm very excited for that!

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:37:53 GMT

News news, there must be some news. Stress is starting to get the better of me, which I noticed when my neck started hurting again. It only does that when the tension in my back gets out of control. Needless to say, my friend Ashley spent about 20 minutes last night finding (and attempting to disperse) every knot in my shoulders. She was mildly successful, as many knots remain but most of the pain is gone. I think I'm just stressed about the job thing (still no word from VW) and about my love life - nonexistent. I'm pretty tired of waiting for things to happen to me, even though I haven't just been sitting around doing nothing. I think I'm going to suck it up and apply for the brand assistant position at P&G. I know it's really far away, but I think I just won't care at this point as long as I have a job and love that job. Plus when I think about it, I have to ask what's holding me here?

I love my ASL class. It's really fun to practice all the things we learn to sign and I love the idea of being able to communicate with the deaf. Plus we basically spend four hours every week flailing our arms around and what could be more entertaining than that? I have it again tonight.

I have been reading and playing lots of Warcraft. I also recently bought five dvd boxsets (Scrubs Season 5, Heroes, Ugly Betty, Firefly, and Undeclared) which I haven't gotten around to watching much of yet, but I'm working on that. I've been working my way through Heroes, since I love that one the most. What I really want to do now is find a way to make enough space in my room so I can move my book shelf up here. Right now I have nothing to hold books or DVDs, and it's driving me crazy. No books in my room!?!?! Well, of course there are, but they are strewn all over the place instead of being neatly organized on a shelf. Le sigh. That is all.

Oh weekends...

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 19:50:31 GMT

So this one was a bit crazy. There was just a lot going on. If any of you remember my friend Patrick from Purdue, he has moved here to go to Georgetown grad school and had his birthday on Friday. So I went out to dinner with him and some friends to celebrate and then went to my other friend Dean's birthday party. Elyse and I brought John and Vinny along for the ride (which was extremely entertaining). John managed to collect a flock of girl groupies within 15 minutes of arriving, which was really fun to watch, and even left with a phone number by the end of the night. Vinny was just drunk and resigned to all the pretty boys being straight haha. I shouldn't laugh, but he was very comical about it.

I slept in the house on the couch, as usual, that night. This time Mike did come home. I don't think he realizes that I wake up nearly every time he comes home, since I usually pretend to be asleep to avoid being awkward. Anyway, that night he spent like 10 minutes over by the front door and I know he wasn't taking his shoes off the entire time because I heard him do that. I thought he was going to wake me up and talk to me, which he didn't do, but he lingered around the kitchen a little bit too. I wish I could've looked to see what he was doing, but I was afraid he'd be looking at me, supposedly asleep on the couch. Anyway, I haven't automatically assumed that this means he even wants to talk to me, but it seemed out of the ordinary.

Saturday was pool with Kristie, Ari, Katie (!!! visiting from Baltimore), and Jon. Very fun, although my pool skills went down the toilet that day. It was also Elyse's housewarming party, which was extremely fun. I nearly got ridiculously drunk, but then realized that I was getting a little emotional (in a bad way) and went to bed to avoid embarrassing myself. Still the party was excellent and I'm looking forward to Elyse's birthday in two weeks.

Sunday was boring, except for football at the Malt Shop - super fun! My team got the crap kicked out of them, which was depressing, but the bartenders gave us free shots and tater tots to cheer us up, which was nice. I think I'll keep watching my games there for good now. I also had dinner with my friend Mike Repas (too many damned Mikes), a fun and relaxing evening. We caught up on a lot of stuff and he proclaimed me Queen of the Nerds (after I admitted to referencing All Your Base in a class blog lol).

This week is just more class and videogames, since there's nothing to do but wait to hear back from places I've applied to. Le sigh.

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:17:14 GMT

Aaaaaah...where to begin. Last night I got myself into all kinds of trouble at Clyde's. Not the drinking sort of trouble, like last week. No this week it was boy trouble. First I somehow agreed to go to dinner with my friend Edwin, thinking it was a nice friendly thing to do, and then heard from Spencer this morning that he's calling it a date. So bad...I'm not interested in him like that at all. Yikes. Also, Kristie basically yelled at me the entire drive back to the house that I should forget about Mike and give Bruce a chance...which spurred drunken texting to Bruce that has led to him promising to drive me home next week. I'm not so adamantly against that, except that I feel like I should be completely over Mike if I try to start something with Bruce, and I'm not yet. I also had this dude Seton hitting on me all night.

Pretty much all of my friends told me to forget about Mike last night. I understand where they're coming from and why they're saying it. I just can't seem to follow through though. Every time I think I might be angry enough to just write him off, I can't seem to do it. I kind of want to give him a chance to redeem himself, but I'm not sure how. I thought maybe staying at the house last night would do it, since if he wanted to talk, I would be there to talk to. But of course he didn't come home again. I guess I just wanted this too badly for too long. I know I'll forget about it eventually, but right now I'm not ready to let go yet. I should stop talking to my friends about it though so they can quit bothering me. So I guess that's it.

College all over again

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 01:39:03 GMT

I hate that I'm being forced to take classes right now, even if I like the classes I'm taking. My ASL class is super fun. Yeah the old people annoy me - especially the creepy old guy who can't comprehend the gestures and stole my chair today, but god I love the rest of it. The French is interesting and fun to speak, even if the pronunciation often makes no sense whatsoever. Of course, I've run into the same problem I had in my German and Japanese classes in high school, which was that there is one chick who will not stop questioning every little grammatical difference between French and English (it's a foreign language for a reason, hello?) and the really stupid airhead chick who manages to speak French with a valley girl accent. Argh. German is, naturally, a joke. I took the first exam today and would've been done first except that I decided to review my answers. So unnecessary lol. At least the people in my German class tend to speak with reasonable accents.

I felt somewhat less depressed about Mike today. I still wish I knew what had happened (duh) and I still wish things would work out (however much my friends question the intelligence of that desire). I don't know. I feel very ambivalent. It would be nice to have something else to think about for a while. There are other boys around who I know I could date, but I just have no desire to.

In other news, my blood elf rogue is now at level 20, and my sim had twins. I've been playing a lot of computer games since the break up, since I'm now pretty much avoiding the house. Not completely, but I'm trying to stay away from it when I think he might be there. Tomorrow night will be the first night I've spent there in a week. Oh well. Perhaps more updating when something exciting happens.

Weekend...le sigh

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 04:39:27 GMT

So it's been an up and down kind of weekend. I have to say though, my mom asked me today if I was losing weight and I got to say, "Yes! Yes I am losing weight!" Nevermind the fact that it's because of the Symlin, which makes me nauseous and takes away my appetite. It's still doing it's job. My bloodsugar control has been ridiculously good for the past week and a half and I get to lose weight without putting in much effort. It's a wonder drug! Although, I do need to admit that I started running three times a week in the mornings. I figured a few endorphins couldn't hurt my shitty mood.

Yesterday my friend Mike Green (not to be confused with the Mike I was dating) called me to say that he would be in Georgetown and was going to bring my missing shoes. So Elyse and I headed to the Daily Grill to meet up with him. As usual, he was an hour late, but I got my favorite black flats back! We also discovered in the course of our conversation that he knows my friend Bruce, which was completely random. I mean, I don't get weirded out anymore by the fact that I'm friends with a 38 year old man (that would be Mike Green), but the fact that he's also friends with my 27 year old bar buddy? It's just odd. Later Elyse and I went to her house in Chinatown and had a good long talk about all kinds of stuff. I really missed those kinds of nights with her. I'm so happy she's back!

Today my parents forced me to go to the Sugarloaf Craft Festival with them. I mean, I like that kind of stuff, but I was not in the mood for it today at all. Still, I guess we picked out some nice things and saw some cool crafty-things. I then went to the house in Tenleytown to watch the Giants game with Mitch, thinking that I would get there late enough to miss Mike completely. No such luck. I endured an awfully awkward five minutes of being ignored, in front of Mitch, by focusing on my French vocab. Still, after that I felt physically ill and taking my Symlin later didn't help with that. Now it's time to study some more French and go to bed.

My terrible, awful, no-good day

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 23:23:39 GMT

I think that's a book title, but I thought of it this morning and it fit. Angry ranting ahead: Read on at your own .

So last night I went out with my friends to Clyde's and got freaking wasted. I think I decided to get so ridiculously drunk because of all the drama with Mike, which was a bad solution. I told my friend John about the problems I've been having with him this week and he was good about chiming in with his two cents, worth rather a lot since he lives with the boy. Anyway the outcome of this conversation was that I should tell him that I need to talk to him and that he would then find time to talk to me (according to John). Since I almost never see him anymore, I let my friends talk me into crashing in his bed that night so that he would wake me up when he got home and I could tell him then.

This morning I woke up (hung over like all hell) alone. He wasn't there. I figured that of course the one night I needed to talk to him, he wouldn't come home. It was time to move my car so I walked into the living room, where I discovered Mike sleeping on a couch. That sent me over the edge. I mean, why would he sleep on a couch instead of just sleeping with me, like he normally does? It was of a piece with the rest of the week though, since he hasn't been waking me up. But it made me extremely upset.

I called my friend Kristie, told her what happened, and explained that I was upset because how could nothing be wrong if he wouldn't sleep with me? She told me I should wake him up and make him talk to me. Well I decided that I would have to do that, knowing full well that it was probably a bad idea, but also knowing that I wouldn't be happy unless I did it. So I waited until 1pm and then I woke him up, or attempted to. He pulled the blanket over his face and grunted at me. I asked him what was going on with us. He grunted again. I said that I needed an answer and he finally said, "I don't know." I told him that wasn't good enough. He didn't respond. So by this point I was practically in tears, and I left.

I later sent him a text message (since I realized that he may not have even fully been awake or remember the conversation later) that said: You've really freaked me out this week. You said you wanted a relationship with me but lately it doesn't seem that way. If you care at all you need to tell me because otherwise I'm out.

I spent most of the day with Kristie, and a lot of time on the phone with a few friends, crying. I am still upset about it now, but I don't think I can cry anymore today. I'm angry because he was the one who started things back up by telling me he wanted a relationship with me and now I'm the one who gets hurt again. I talked to John about it briefly and he told me that Mike came in around 7am and said to him that I was there so he was going to sleep on the couch. And apparently when he got up in the afternoon he was being more open and talking to people (not about me, but just in general). I don't know what that means. Is he happier because I told him it was over and now he's talkative again? Is he thinking at all about what I said? I don't think I'll find out. John offered to ask him for me, but I told him I was tired of getting all of my information about Mike from the housemates. If he has anything to say, he should tell me.

And he'd better do it soon, because I'm not waiting around for another three weeks while he makes up his mind.

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 20:22:19 GMT

I did not get the job at Corporate Executive Board. Which blows.

I do not care to talk much about it at the moment, but they did ask me to interview for two different positions, which I guess means there's still hope if I care to pursue it.

My own little corner of hell

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 16:01:12 GMT

So, I finished up my interview process at the Corporate Executive Board this week. I felt pretty good about the way things went, but I've been completely confident in the past and not gotten the job... I'm nearly completely broke and spent a good amount of time trying to scrape together the money I needed to pay my bills this week. Yuck. I just want a job already so that I can pay everything off and move out into my own place. Speaking of which...

At Clyde's on Thursday, I ran into the people who want me to wait until December to move so that we can all live together. Then our friend Jenna came into the mix and mentioned how she wants to move out of her place and then they all started talking about getting a house. I don't know. Part of me wants to live with these people, but most of me just wants to get an efficiency and have my own space. I worry about things like cleanliness and upkeep for a house. Granted, the land lord should take care of most maintainence issues, but I don't know if I even want to deal with it. And December...so far away...I want to move out now. =(

In other news, my parents have been out of town for most of the week, including this weekend. I dislike being in my house all by myself, although I really like having uninhibited access to the kitchen. I've been spending most of my time over at the house in Tenleytown. I think I need to give up vodka. Every time I drink it, I wake up the next morning with stomach issues. Boo.

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 01:29:46 GMT

Beeeeeeeach! Hunting Island was fabulous and relaxing. I read many many books, got slightly burned, and managed to acquire a nice tan too. The water was fantastically warm, I did not get stung by any jelly fish, and I saw a real live sting ray, which was pretty cool. I also got lots of wonderful sleep. =) Pictures are up on facebook.

In other news, Elyse is home! She brought me Baumkuchen from Berlin! We spent last night hanging out together and then went to brunch at Asylum this morning. I think something didn't agree with my stomach, but it tasted good all the same. I'm very excited that she's home. It feels like I found something that I've been missing for the last eight months. Heehee

Also last night I had a long conversation with my friend Mitch. He wanted to ask me further about Mike, which didn't turn out too well. I mean, I've been freaking out about all this stupid little stuff, true. But he kept saying that he thought I wasn't happy. That's not right. It's not that I'm not happy. When I'm with Mike, everything is just fine. When I'm not with him, I start flipping out sometimes. I think it's something I need to talk to him about, but I'm not unhappy with him. I don't know if Mitch was so hard on him just because we were both drunk or what. But it bothered me a little.

I guess that's all for now.

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 03:31:14 GMT

I would like to take a moment to rave about my great phone experience with Tivo Customer Service. I called them because I went online to manage my account and switch it over to my new credit card, so I can close the old one. I had never logged in online before, but when I did, my Tivo was not listed under my account. So I couldn't change anything. Luckily, their customer service number was listed on practically every page of the site.

When I called, the woman was helpful and friendly, taking care of the two issues I had (changing the credit card and fixing my online account) very quickly. So cheers to you, Tivo. I love you all the more for your excellent customer service.

In other news, I was supposed to hang out with Mike last night (and was really looking forward to it since it was the first night he's had off in ages) but then he had a family emergency and had to drive out to southern Maryland. I couldn't really be annoyed, since he had no control over it, but hey who's rational? I couldn't help thinking that this would happen on the first night he promised to spend just with me since we got into the relationship. I did eventually get to see him when he came home at 4am, but we don't really get a lot of quality time in at night, because I'm completely useless at that hour. So in the end I wound up sleeping for about three and a half hours (not even consecutively) and being exhausted all day. Luckily my cousin wasn't feeling well when I went to babysit her, so she didn't want to do anything but read.

Now I'm off to play WoW. Or maybe I'll set up my Tivo at home, since my dad is pretty much out of town for the next two weeks and then I can record any programs I want while I'm at the beach. Did I mention...beach with Sharon on Saturday!!!!! My parents were freaked out about me driving down as a passenger in Julie's car, because she's 17, but I lied through my teeth and told her that I had agreed to do the actual driving. She bought it. And it turns out that I will be driving the first leg, since none of the youngins want to get up early enough to miss traffic, and I do. As long as we clear Richmond before traffic gets horrible, I'll be fine. The end.

Guinea pig scare and other things

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 16:19:35 GMT

So yesterday when I woke up, I went to say hello to my guinea pigs (a common morning ritual for me). I noticed, however, that Red was sitting in a corner of the cage and squeaking as he breathed, which was not normal behavior for him. I also thought his sides were heaving. I called the vet, worried that he was really sick, and they told me they couldn't see him until much later that evening, but that I could have the numbers for two more vets in the area. I finally reached one of them who could see Red soon and made an appointment. I spent the rest of the morning in a worried haze, wondering what I would do if I had to put him down.

Luckily, when we reached the vet's office, she determined that it was just an upper respiratory infection and that after a course of antibiotics, Red should be just fine. She also told me about a couple of other things that I hadn't known before - like that kale is actually bad for guinea pigs because of it's high calcium content. I was pretty impressed with how knowledgeable she was and I believe they've made a new loyal customer out of me. Usually vets seem pretty confused when it comes to guinea pigs, but Dr. Park was excellent. Red didn't like her much, but he doesn't like vets in general.

In other news, last night I went out with a bunch of my RA friends to Mr. Smith's in Georgetown. We quickly found out that the usual piano player was out of town for the week, so people wanted to move on to another bar instead of staying. We ended up at Garrett's, where Mike works, and a very drunk Tara insisted that she meet him. I was thinking how I don't like bothering him at work, because it gets so busy and I knew he wasn't behind the bar that night. I almost didn't see him at all, because it was so full of people, but he finally came up to the bar where we were. He looked completely harassed and didn't see me, so I just left him alone for the night, and we moved on to Mad Hatter's.

When I got back to the house in Tenleytown, no one was there, so I just fell asleep on the couch. I woke up when John came home, but didn't really see that it was him at first. So I spent a while feeling annoyed and worried, because I thought Mike had come home and not said hello. I don't know what it is about Mike that makes me so nervous all the time, but I guess I'm just still not completely comfortable in the relationship. When Mike really came home and I'd realized my mistake, he made everything better. He came over and talked to me for a little bit. I told him that we'd been to Garrett's but that I hadn't wanted to bother him because he'd looked so busy. He told me that it was a rough night because no one had stocked the bars before they opened, but that next time I should text him if I drop by. It made me feel better because he wanted to see me. I really should just stop freaking out every time something little happens.

Anyway, I'm also now applying for a job with the Corporate Executive Board downtown and I'm really hoping I get it. They're actually a spin-off company from the Atlantic Media Company (who owns the National Journal) so they also offer a great benefits package and really good compensation. Keep your fingers crossed!

I hate registering for classes

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 18:53:52 GMT

So I have to register for at least 12 credits at Nova this fall in order to stay on my mom's health insurance, which really blows. I keep trying to find a way where I won't have to commute as much and coming up short. I did find a culinary class that I really want to take, which is good. Now the question becomes, take two languages and fill up my credits in three classes or take classes I'm pretty interested in and be forced to take four classes? Boo.

Right now I'm definitely taking:
Principles of Culinary Arts I (3 credits)
American Sign Language (4 credits)

Things that I could take to fill up the rest of my credit requirements:
Beginning German I (5 credits - a throw away easy class just to get to the required 12 credits)
Beginning French I (5 credits - another 5 credit course that will be harder, because I don't know French)
Computer Graphics (4 credits - should be interesting but leaves me 1 credit short)

I would have to take another 1 credit class with the Computer Graphics, which would probably be something like a fitness class of some kind. Honestly I don't really want to do that. So I guess the real question here is do I take beginning French, which I don't know and will have to do some work for or beginning German, where I will be bored stiff but will have an easy class?

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 22:40:02 GMT

So my dad has just realized in the past 48 hours that I know a lot about iPods and iTunes (relatively speaking). Now he's been bugging me constantly to help him figure out his questions - to the point where he interrupted me while I was cooking my dinner and expected me to leave my pasta boiling unattended. He is ridiculous.

I played pool last night at Fast Eddie's again, even though Mike (Dollar) decided not to show up. I spent my evening with Victor and various other members of the league. I beat Victor three times while using the special Kat rule - the other player has to bank all of his shots, because I suck so bad lol. Then I let Victor drop the Kat rule, because he was having a bad day and I almost beat him legitimately! The only reason I lost was because I scratched on the eight ball (after I'd gotten it in. LAME). Lol anyway I had a lot of fun. It was slightly awkward though because everyone kept asking me where Mike was, like I should know? I'm not his girlfriend anymore!

Class was not nearly as boring yesterday, mainly because the professor gave up on the idea of lecturing and just let us work on our projects. We're supposed to be creating dynamic web sites. I'm just abusing the availability of Dreamweaver to spruce up my personal webpage and do things to it that I've always wanted to do, but didn't have the effort to learn the code. So it's not uploaded yet, but I'll post a link when it is. Pretty cool. I hope that's all the rest of the class is. =)